United Front

My husband and I have always tried to maintain a united front when it came to our boys.  If we differed in parenting, we usually discussed it behind closed doors.  (Hmmm, I think the doors were closed those two times we had to discuss something.  And then he saw my point was the right one and the discussion was over. At least that's how I remember it.)

I truly believe that God gives children two parents for a reason.  Or rather, two reasons.  The first reason is that having two parents allows a child to live longer.  Past experience has proven, for us at least, when one of us is ready to kill any of the four said children, the other is in a laid back, water off the ducks back mode. Assuring the other, "Hey, it's not a big deal. Don't get worked up. Let it gooooo!" (Yep, that was a mantra of ours, way before that incredible cartoon extravaganza sang the catchy, girly version.) Also, the same parent was never the chillaxer twice in a row. Somehow the occasions of short fused detonation always flipflopped.  Two parents, it's God's parental scale of checks and balances.

The second reason is safety. When one parent uncharastically loses their absolute freaking mind and makes a potentially ridiculously dangerous decision, the other parent steps up, states the error of the situation and everyone is safe and sound, no worse for wear.  Case in point.  We never - except for this one time - usurped each other's authority.  It was Hawaii, four children ages fourteen months,  4 years, 6 years, and 8 years old.  It was day two or three of our nine day stay.  Coming from Kansas City, the ocean and the beach is a beautiful, mystical place - unless you can't get in.  And why couldn't we get in? Because the entire time we had been there the ocean was closed.  Not in the sense there were road blocks or armed guards detouring people.  Just a flag.  Yes, a Red Flag flying high next to the unmanned life guard tower.  Why would the tower be unmanned you might ask yourself. No need for a life guard, when the beach was CLOSED! Duh....

With the ocean out of commission, we had to make due with swimming and frolicking in any of the four plus pools available to us at the resort.  I think my husband might have been an aquatic animal in a former life.  He longs for the ocean.  He couldn't hide it.  I kept catching him sneaking a peek here and there. Yes, I caught him gazing longingly at it. Finally, he couldn't hold himself back any longer.  "Hey guys", he said to the oldest three, "Let's take a walk on the beach".  I knew from the moment he uttered those words, there was no way on God's green earth I was allowing him to take the boys down to the beach without me.  I told him I'd love to go along too.  Now mind you, trudging along carrying a roly poly fourteen month old on the soft sand while attempting to keep pace is not an easy feat. Especially if you are 5'3" to your husband's 6'2".

We made it to the beach, I was now huffing and puffing pretty good after that mini marathon.  I know my husband.  He is NOT a "sit on the sand and watch the water" kind of guy.  If he wanted to submerge himself in that RED FLAGGED killer sea, that was his decision.  I would prefer he not, but he's a big boy.  No sooner had I plopped down, than he speaks up and asks the boys if they want to get in the water.  I immediately sound off with a definitive, resounding "NO".  I reminded him that it was not safe. Otherwise it wouldn't be closed.  He scoffed and reminded me that he was their father.  He certainly wasn't going to let anything happen to them.  I said, "You're right, you wouldn't intentionally let something happen and we aren't going to risk it because they are NOT stepping one little toe in that water!" It was a standoff. All that was missing was the theme song from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Picture three boys standing in a row looking back and forth from mom to dad and back again.  John once again said, "Come on boys, it'll be okay".  I might have said something along the lines of "If you take one step towards that water, I'll beat you".  After one more fervent look between the two of us, the three of them sat down in unison.

John only had one more card to play.  He told them that if that was the case, we would all just go back to the room and take a nap.  I seized that card and said that was a great idea!  None of the boys said a thing as we trudged back to the room.  John managed to throw a couple of "Mommy is such a downer" "Mommy doesn't want to have fun" "Mommy worries too much" "It's Mommy's fault we have to all go take a nap" quips in my direction.  I managed to hold my tongue.  Everyone laid down and took a good two hour nap.  When we woke up, it was time to get dressed and head down to the conference dinner.

It was on that walk down to dinner that we ran into other attendees.  They asked if we had heard about Craig.  "No", we said, "What happened to Craig?"  Well, Craig decided the ocean didn't look that bad, so he was only getting in to his knees.  That's when the riptide got him.  A broken neck, a couple of broken ribs, a punctured lung and an air lift to the hospital later.... they said he would be okay, with time. John looked at me.  I looked at John.  We never said a word out loud, but the silent discussion we had then and there was pretty intense.

And that boys and girls is why God gives children two parents............