May the love you share today, continue throughout the entire year!
I received the most thoughtful, fabulous gift in celebration of Valentine's Day. I told my hubby three days ago that he purchased for me the most wonderful gift. He bought me the gift that keeps on giving. It even has a rechargeable battery, AND it puts itself away when it's finished! OMGoodess, I know which one of my friends are reading this thinking dirty thoughts!!! Get your minds out of the gutter...... He purchased a Vroomba while I was at Bed Bath and Beyond..... For those of you that might not be familiar. The Vroomba is a robotic vacuum. That's right. It vacuums all by itself! The COMPLETE house!!! (It even comes with the a remote control.) I've set its timer to come on at midnight six nights a week. I figured even my vacuum should stop and rest on Sunday. John said he was glad that I was so very pleased with his gift and hoped that I would continue to enjoy it.
My husband is a wonderful man. He is a fantastic husband, a devoted father, great provider, incredible lover - of sports. (No, I'm not going to spill THAT personal info. You have to go on a "Bama Babes GetAway" in order to get any of that juicy info!!!) But Perfect, he is NOT. But no man is. No, let me rephrase that, no MALE is. Not even from birth. But that's okay. They can't help it. It's not something they can control, it's their birth defect. Most people know this defect by it's clinical term - Penis.
Yes, you read that correctly. You can trace back every bad decision, misplaced or lacking emotion, forgetfulness, inability to listen and/or following simple requests or direction, to their birth defect - their penis. (I have an entire blog planned on this discussion, but I felt it was necessary to educate you immediately to the fact that it is a condition and it cannot be rectified.)
I was in the grocery store the other day. As I was roaming up and down each aisle, I kept crossing paths with an adorable older couple. I would guess their ages to be anywhere between 80 and death. The first few times we passed, we would smile and nod. The third time, I felt the need to stop and tell them how adorable they were. I told the wife how blessed she was that her husband would want to accompany her to the grocery. (My husband would rather self amputate then willingly go to the grocery, WITH me. He would run by the grocery willingly, if I needed, however, he thought it was ridiculous to even contemplate why he would need to go WITH me. Why in the world!!??? That would be illogical and a waste of what would seperately be productive time.)
The little old lady smiled. Now that I reflect back, her smile did look a little Xanax induced. On the fourth time we matched up, her hubby was walking toward her holding up a carton of eggs. (I'm really using the term walking loosely, picture Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett show.) She was shaking her head back and forth. "No, No, NO, I TOLD you, I needed a carton of Egg Beaters!" "Well, what's the difference" he exclaimed, "These are just eggs that you haven't beaten yet." "Oh my goodness, go back and get what I asked for PLEASE!!!" As he turned and shuffled back to towards the egg section, she turned to me and said. "Honey, you are lucky! Don't EVER let your husband start coming shopping with you. They are a pain in the ass! That used to be the ONLY time I had to be alone after he retired, then slowly I lost that special time. Don't get me wrong, I love that man, but sweet Jesus.... A little alone time would be nice too!!"
I nodded, gave her a little hug, and a big smile. I told her that I could understand. I also told her to keep in mind, he really couldn't help it. After all, he did have a penis. She burst out laughing and said, "Honey you are absolutely right!! We didn't speak about it when I was younger, but we all knew it to be true". We each shared another big giggle and another little hug. As her husband shuffled back holding a carton of egg beaters AND a carton, we both burst out laughing. I assured her that I would utilize her suggestion. And true to my word, I haven't asked John to go grocery shopping with me.
I end this now, as I have to run to Sam's Club..... btw, that qualifies as grocery shopping too!!!
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