I've always maintained that "God Loved Me More" because he chose to give my hubby stronger and faster Y chromosome swimmers. While my stand has always been that I would have been in jail early in the parenthood phase of my life had I been "blessed" with a daughter. I now believe, that while I never ended up in prison, I'm likely to end up in the crazy ward. But that is a story for another time.
I keep thinking at some point these wonderful testosterone makers "TM's" (including my hubby and all those 5th sons I've got) would one day wake up and realize that I'm outnumbered. It's a medically and psychology proven fact that men and women process differently, react differently, act differently, respond differently. Throw in fluctuations in blood sugar on my part and it's an open free-for-all. At some point I had hoped that these TM's would attempt to see things from my perspective.
That has been pretty much a pipe dream. Well actually, Genesis, (nickname for #1 son) came the closest to being able to see things from my perspective. But that was only because he was in a multi-year relationship with a South African princess, who was from an all women family. She made sure to point out on several occasions what my mindset was and where I was coming from. He was completely baffled and when he asked me about it, and I concurred, he was totally amazed. Now that that relationship has ended, I'm pretty much back to square one.
One summer weekend we actually ended up with "baseball free". I'm still not too sure how it happened, but I find it better to not question certain things in life. I've learned to just enjoy them! So with this "free weekend", I thought it would be fun to go to the Lake of the Ozarks on a little getaway. After all 5 out of 6 Baker's enjoy fishing. One Baker Boy is all about it, as long as something is on his hook, besides bait, in a matter of five minutes and continues to do so for the remainder of the fishing experience. If not, he's good to go read.
I personally find that with a family our size it is much more comfortable to get a condo or a house as opposed to renting two hotel rooms. (HomeAway and VRBO are two of my favorites!) I got online and luck and the cosmos were with me, as I found a perfect house, on the water no less! This place was huge.... So me being the idiot I am, who thinks "the more the merrier", told everyone that they could each invite a friend. The night or so before we were ready to leave on this fun filled getaway, everyone told me who their friend was that would be joining us. Number 1, 2, 3, & 4, and then my hubby pipes in and says, "oh, I invited my brother too". I was dumbfounded! Really?! Seriously?!!! When I said everyone could invite a friend, I really wasn't thinking about YOU. "I" am your friend!!! Too late now, the deed had been done.
So yep, there we all were, me and TEN testosterone makers. The big house was not feeling ALL that big once everyone got there and spread out. The downside of renting a house or condo is that with the exception of some nice tropical rentals, they do NOT come with cleaning or cooking staff. Don't jump to any conclusions! I did NOT have to do all the cooking and cleaning. As a matter of fact, all the boys (sans the brother-in-law) all pitched in and helped. I went to the grocery store (the Laurie Market loves to see me coming!) and made our purchases for the long weekend. (Remember with 10 TM's, there wouldn't be enough room in the vehicles for food and their cloths and sports/fishing equipment.)
They grouped up and all took turns making breakfast. Then the other group would cleanup. I whipped up sandwiches or burgers for lunch and then the tag-team approach would work again for dinner.
Sounds rather idyllic, right? And it was, except for two things: 1) the brother-in-law didn't lift a freaking finger the entire long weekend (To the extent that the boys were talking about it and apologizing for his behavior.); and 2) I spent the entire long weekend with ten crotch grabbing, scratching fools. And the worst part was they don't even realize when they are doing it. I know they all spend a lot of time on the baseball field, but come on man!!!
It really got the best of me when I was sitting in a chair on the dock fishing and reading (yes, I multi-task.... it keeps me from getting bored!) one TM walked up to ask me a question and BOOM right at my eye level, he grabs his junk. When I point out that he really didn't need to hold on to it, as it wasn't going to fall off his body and get lost, he just chuckled (but didn't let go). A while later a couple of TM's walked up and again, in my general eye level vicinity, BOOM. Yep there were a lot of hands holding or adjusting junk. I then let go with a sermon as to WHY I didn't want to see it anymore..... I then left my chair to go inside and cool down. I could hear the murmurings as I walked away. The general gist of the conversations were, "What's wrong with her?". "Why did she just lose her chit?"
At dinner time when I was seated at the table and the TM who was getting ready to take a seat next to me "adjusted". I called a meeting to order immediately. I informed them that they were so complacent and laissez-faire about it, they really needed to make some changes. (I cringe at the thought of their dates or girlfriends or people out in public having to witness this spectacle of the testical.) I told them that for the remainder of the weekend, every time they grabbed, scratched, or adjusted, I was going to grab my boobs with both hands.
Yepper, pretty silly to think that would embarrass any of them. Needless to say, by the end of weekend my "girls" had quite a workout. And the reconditioning was for naught.
In conclusion, if you see any of my birth sons or my fifth sons or ANY man for that matter out in public, grabbing, scratching, or adjusting - do NOT blame their momma. I'm sure she diligently tried, but we're only human. Some things are out of our control!!
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