Showering with my best friend.......

We are ALL in a different place today than we were several yesterdays ago.  I said in my last post I would NOT get into the current events.  

However, 

Blessings surround each of us.  All the time.  Daily even.  But we don't often take the time to stop and notice them.  Or, we take them for granted until the day they are no longer.  I've had a lot of excess time on my hands with the pickleball courts presently off limits.  It's given me some time to do a little self reflection. 

Today, I realized I am truly blessed to have an unbelievably incredible, caring, patient, talented dog groomer.  I've known Christina for ages.  I, at one point, had the privilege to teach her only daughter.  (Yep, talk about feeling old.  That little cutie patootie is now a full grown woman!  When the heck did that happen?)  Sorry, I digress.  

To get back on track; Christina, great groomer. I always appreciated that I could call up, ten minutes later drop off Maggie, and then I'd get a phone call a couple of hours later informing me she was ready for pickup.  Voila ~ a beautifully groomed and manicured dog who smelled fabulous.

During this "downtime" Maggie's hair has grown exponentially.  I reached the point I could not handle her hair obscuring her vision.  She was literally tilting her head at an angle in order to see. Additionally, she was now far from her usual pleasant smelling self.  She had a lingering scent that could be associated along the lines of something one could purchase from the Peppe La' Pew & Friends catalog.  Not to point fingers or noses, I too, during this "downtime", have not always exuded the most pleasant fragrance either.

  

So, what's a girl to do?  That's right, we showered together.  One of us was there willingly, the other, not so much.

To Maggie's credit, she calmed down and did rather well once she realized she could NOT escape from the shower.  She sat patiently while I towel dried her.  She even sat still while I got out the scissors.  However, there was a substantial amount of side eye glances at me.  I can truly state, before today I had  never actually heard a dog groan out loud before.  And even though I used detangling spray on her goldendoodle coat, she wasn't the most pleasant when I ever so gently combed out her matted fur and then blew it semi-dry.  It was when I decided to go a little farther in her fur trimming, maybe even a little overboard, that things got a little spicy.  

Don't judge me, I recently saw a bunch of your social media posts showing old photos of haircuts and bang trims your mothers gave you back in the day.

Needless to say, currently my dog will not have anything to do with me.  Even when I attempted to bribe her with a bone treat.  She went into a self imposed exile.  You know a dog is completely dejected when you watch them walk over and OPEN their own kennel door to walk in and lay down - with their butt facing you.  I'm hopeful her disdain for me passes quickly.

Christina, tonight I raise my glass to you.  I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.  Please put Maggie in your calendar for the first available appointment.  I pray she will be on good terms with me by then. 

In closing, I just read a quote that resonated with me:

If you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, go together.

     ~ African Proverb ~

I look forward to going far with you....  

Thanks for reading!

Coke Can Man ~

The world, she is a changing.  Seems we're all 
inundated from every direction with regards to politics and Corona Virus, which subsequently has been retitled ~ Covid19.  Two things I promise I shall NOT discuss.  I won't say EVER because, well, ever is too long a time to try to contain or maintain.

What I will talk about today is Coke Can Man.  He's not an urban legend.  He's real.  And I've seen the photo to prove it!  Warning..... you'll see a modified version at the end of the tale.

I truly feel for the youth of today.  Heck, I feel for the middle aged today.  Additionally, I feel for the old today.  I feel for all single woman (and men for that matter as they've shared stories with me too) in any of the aforementioned categories.  (Well, not ALL single women.... there are more than a handful that will see the fiery pits of Hell, but I'm not going to worry about them.  I'll let God handle that.  They know who they are, and He certainly does too.)  Ok, back to the ones that I do care about.......

I feel for you.....  2020 is definitely a DIFFERENT place than it once was.  For all the incredible advances we've had in just the past 35 years, we've definitely taken substantial steps backwards as well ~ specifically within the realm of dating.  

What was once termed the dating pool (where legend had it there were plenty of fish to be found - yes, I realize I'm mixing my metaphors but at least I'm not mixing a cocktail at 8:30 in the morning) is now a dating cesspool (where the faint of heart are afraid to venture for fear of the creepy, slimey, creatures that congregate there).

Case in point ~ Coke Can Man ~ He was found on a dating site.  By all outward appearances, he was an attractive individual.  A grandpa even.  Well groomed.  Articulate.  Educated.  Employed.  Pleasant sense of humor.  No felonies or ankle bracelets.  No bankruptcies.  He was, however, a Harley rider.  Not that it in itself is a problem.  Just not an activity that the woman he was talking to was interested in, nor would she ever be.  It was my understanding that was made extremely clear.  In fact, that was a dealbreaker for them to continue "talking" in a dating sense,  but they decided to remain in the platonic friend zone as they had so many other interests in common.

Fast forward a couple of weeks when a ding on a cell phone indicated a message had been received to the woman from the "platonic friend".  The unwitting female opened the message and was shocked to find a photograph which she had never wanted, wished, or requested.  In fact, she had at one point during their earlier conversations stipulated that was something NO ONE should ever send to her.  It was a full color selfie of his penis positioned next to a coke can so she  could visualize size and dimensions.

With speed and dexterity that surprised herself, she responded only seconds after receiving the poorly thought out photograph with a comment that still astonishes her to this day.  "Ah, so you prefer the mini cans of Coke!"  Needless to say, the texted response to her called her everything but her name.  He determined that her lack of amazement for his photography skills and appendage deemed her: a man hating bitter bitch of a woman with a heart of stone who was going to die an unloved, unwanted hag. 

Thank goodness for some of technologies advances.  Delete.  Block. Gone forever..............  Coke Can Man became dust in the wind.  It will, however, be a lingering memory for all whom have seen, but will never be able to forget.

Happy to be a Fresca Girl

Merry Christmas to ALL ~ Well, mostly all........

Ok, I know, I know, I said that the next post would be "Coke Can Man", however,  in keeping with the spirit of Christmas, I should delay in posting it at least one more day. 

I'm hoping that everyone (ok, NOT everyone but the vast majority) had an awesome, stress-free, low anxiety filled Christmas.  I have so very much to be thankful for and am reminded daily, and sometimes hourly!

This holiday season has seen the beginnings of many new traditions.  (Thank you FF!)  Union Station for the Polar Express Pajama Party ~ Yes, #1, Nakita-Bear, Sloane-Baloney, and I ~ BONUS:  we all wore matchy jammies.  Old Navy isn't just for youngsters!

The family got to share our present exchange celebration on the 23rd with #1's loved one and her #1.  (He is absolutely adorable!)  Love seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child (9).  Don't get me wrong, I still get excited seeing Christmas through the eyes of my children ~ lol lol lol ~ 30, 28, 26 & 22.  Yep, they're still my children and will always be.  It was fun to see how excited one son was with his new iron (and I'm not talking a golf) and how excited the 9 year old was with an old fashioned bubble gum dispenser.  The excitement was almost equal.  

We did miss one of my #5's.  Petie wasn't able to make it to our gift exchange because he had to jump a plane for Alaska at the last minute.  He received a call that the delivery had been expedited on his FIRST and GREATEST gift.  He and our beautiful Kyla were blessed with the arrival of their first child, a precious son, Barrett.

Early Christmas Eve morning we loaded up, complete with the husky hyena, Acey, and my purty girl, Maggie, and headed off..... 

~ We Arrived ~

#NewTraditions #ChristFest2019 ~

Skiing 35 years ago was a breeze, but then again it was prior to two titanium screws in an ankle, a partial knee replacement, and a shredded bicep tendon.  Good news, I only fell once ~ it was within 50 ft from the bottom ~ Bad news, I was taken out by a 4 year old named Skyler.  The only thing hurt was my pride.  But a margarita and a Baileys coffee later, I was fine.

Unexpected Blessings During ChristFest2019

• The steaks, while not cooked the way we had intended, were still edible.
• You can actually buy hiking snow boots at the grocery store.
• Winning an 85 to 1 bet #2 & #3 had on me dumping off at the end of the ski lift.
• Lovely condo, complete with built-in tri-level "Butt Master".
• Brother's "accidentally" setting up their baby brother on a mogul run.  (The blessing was that he lived through it and made it to the bottom unscathed.)  On a side note, it's 10:42 and he's still asleep.

Until later......

Tell those you love that you do.

Take inventory of all your blessings.

Be a secret, silent, blessing to someone.

No one ever has to whine to get wine, just call me and I'll pour.

The Hiatus is OVER.....

Let's see about shaking out the mental cobwebs, wiping off the keyboard dust, and dropkicking this blog back into go mode.........

It's rather ironic that the day I decided to get motivated and jump back into the writing pond is the most dreary, arctic freezing gale, all over ~ nasty day.  Little bonus, it's only Thursday, December 12th and not the fear provoking, legendarily superstitious Friday, 13th.

For those of you "in the know",  I'm good and getting better each and every day.  For those of you who aren't, doesn't matter.....  I'm good and getting better each and every day.  

I'm extremely blessed with (some) GREAT family and (some) Great friends.  If you don't fall into either of the categories, try harder in 2020.  😏

I hope this Christmas season brings happiness, contentment, and peace to everyone reading this.  (And of course, to those who aren't reading this as well......) Feel free to share a link to a friend or loved one who you think might enjoy my ramblings.  What the heck, go ahead and send the link to someone you don't like, maybe it'll be painful experience for them, lol lol lol.  

In the meantime, I've got to run to the grocery.  I've been asked to make Jello-O Shots for an Ugly Sweater party ~

Check back tomorrow for my new posting, "Coke Can Man".

Erma Where Are You?

Maggie

(I'm not a HoHoHo)

Go to the source...........

Go to the source.......  

Yes, it might not be the easiest path.  It might cause you to be a little uncomfortable.  Or it might even make you feel off the charts, your heart might stop, you could potentially puke all over, and you can't breath, uncomfortable.  But in the long run, it is always better and should be the only way you go....  

"Go to the SOURCE." 

So let's take that saying back to where it began....  H2O, okay maybe not as far back as the molecular level....  Water.  Go to the source for the best water.  Think about it, if you go to the source, the very beginning where the water originates,  you will ensure that you have the cleanest, purest, best water there is!  If you don't go to the source but rather gather your water further downstream, you're getting water that's been exposed to all sorts of elements.  Think about what elements that can be folks.  That old saying, "Does a Bear chit in the woods?"  Yep, it does.  Along with chit from birds, beavers, fish, opossum, deer, see where this goes on and on and on..... but that's not all folks, they also leave behind their pee, and where do you think those animals go to bath?  Do you really want to consume that mess?  That's a LOT of chit!!

This relates to all aspects of life......  Go To The Source ~ GTTS

You hear a rumor? GTTS
You read something on social media?  GTTS

If you don't go to the source, you going to end up with a bunch of chit mixed in with the truth!

Thought of the day:  Hold those close to you closer ~ unless you are sitting on a bar stool next to a stranger.  You'll want to skip holding them closer.  The police get called, photographs without filters are taken, and there is a very limited amount of people that look good in orange.  Just trust me on this one.........

The New Girl In My Life..........

I have a new love in my life.  Her name is Maggie.  She is definitely my forever.  She is beautiful, considerate, playful, loving, and ~ she loves to snuggle.  But the very best trait of all...... she doesn't shed!!!

For those of you who've read ErmaWhereAreYou before, say in January, you already know that I haven't suddenly become a lesbian, but rather the happiest of puppy owner's.  Maggie is definitely and continues to be a major joy in my life.

We are working hard at training.  She and I have now mastered sit.  She does it with zero effort; whereas I can sit, but not comfortably on a piece of furniture that is extremely low or extremely high.  We know "down", "shake" (both front paws separately), and can make it halfway over attempting the major "rollover".  Both she and I have our own renditions of these.  And for one of us, not naming any names, it's quite comical to watch...... (so I've been told).

Maggie is very sensitive to my moods and feelings.  She's quick to "get it" when I'm needing a little more affection or snuggles but she's completely dense when it comes to say why I don't like or want her tongue down my ear.  Not sure what it is about ears, but this hairy furball loves them! 

I've about crippled myself more times than I can count due to her stealth-like lay mode.  She can sneak up next to me and lay next to my feet all without my knowledge, that is until I'm flying through the air trying not to fall or smush HER.  And then she looks at me with those huge, big, brown eyes that are shouting, "What the heck are you doing?  You look like you're going to kill yourself.  And then who will be here to feed me............."

She's made it to the point where she'll give me a one bark and nod to go out.  Doesn't matter if it's 2:30am.  (I really need to work on teaching her to tell time, but so far those early "outs" are few and far between so I can't hold it against her.  God knows how many middle of the night "outs" I personally have to make.)

She really wants to help.  Take the laundry for example.  No, that's what she does.  She takes the laundry.  From the dirty laundry hamper in the bedroom.  From the sorted piles in laundry room.  From the basket containing all the freshly folded laundry.  You'll find her in a well constructed "nest" of laundry, sometimes it's under the kitchen table, in a corner, in her kennel or in one of the bathrooms.  She likes to mix it up.  Much like the Easter Bunny, never leave it in the same place twice in a row.

One thing I decided early on with this furbaby, she will NOT be the recipient of ANY human table food.  She has lots and lots of treats specific to her breed but she will not get human food from us, the humans in her life.  Benefit, I don't have to worry about her putting on extra weight, BONUS......  I can open and eat cheese right next to her and she doesn't pay any notice of it.  Annie and Acey on the other hand will leave a puddle of doggie spit where they are if cheese is opened anywhere near them.  And when I say, anywhere near them, I mean on the same level of the same building they're in.

We're not sure exactly how large Maggie is going to get.  The vet is taking a "wait and see" approach.  We'll wait until she stops growing and then we'll see how big she is.  Right now, she's weighing in at a lean 23.5 lbs. but she stands as tall as Annie my German Shepherd. 

Up until now, I've boasted on and on about how wonderful she is.  Just like life, there is always a downside to everything.  It's just how accepting of the downside we're going to be that determines if it's a deal breaker or not.  In Maggies case, it's not a deal breaker just a breathing deterrent.  My beautiful, adorable, cuddly baby girl, has the most rancid, noxious, room clearing gas of any living organism I've ever come across in my 55 years!  It's so bad, the other dogs will leave the room.  But it's not all the time.  Her diet remains consistent, so it's not from anything she's eating.  I haven't been able to find a correlation, but I shall continue to strive to do so.  For the sake of all within a 16 foot vicinity of her and her behind.

So, once again.......  Thanks again to my wonderful sons for the most thoughtful, loving gift they could have given me for Christmas.  She's definitely the gift that keeps on giving.

And to those reading this, "May you be filled with the love of family and friends,  may peace and tranquility surround your heart and home, and may real laughter flow from your heart and maybe a little pee down your leg.  Happy April 1st.........."

What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up...........

What do I want to be when I grow up?  Just a short while ago that wouldn't have been a questions to enter my mind.  But it is now.........  And my first response is Ron Scrogham.  Unless you were blessed to have been a student / parent / teacher at St. Pius X High School the name Ron Scrogham will mean absolutely nothing to you.  But amazingly most people who get the opportunity to know him will tell you the same thing, they what to be him when they grow up.  He's scarily smart, but never makes you feel stupid or a lessor human, he's extremely well traveled, multi-lingual, unpretentious, and could probably give Miss Manners some additional lessons in etiquette - but would do it so subtly she wouldn't even know she'd been schooled.  How often do you find an individual that everyone looks up to?  I would love to grow up and be Ron Scrogham, but I've accepted the fact that won't happen, it's not in the cards.  I'll just have to be thankful he's a friend and always makes himself available for answering questions on ......... hmmmm, just about any subject.  Haven't hit on one yet that he's not been able to be helpful.

That's the big question these days.  What do I want to be when I grow up?  I accomplished my goals early on.  I always wanted to be a momma.  But just not any momma.  I wanted to be a GREAT Momma.  I wanted to love and be loved on.  I was blessed to have done a dang good job of that too.  And that reality is evidenced by the fact that my four birth sons still invite me to do things with them, and they still want to do things with me.  I still get emails and Facebook messages from their friends.  And when those friends come to town, it warms my heart beyond words when I get a phone call asking if they can stop by.  For future knowledge, I have a completely open drop in policy.  If you are in town, please STOP BY.

In two blinks of an eye life has changed exponentially.  These are the moments that you're never told about, until you're standing smack dab in the middle of it.  Kind of like childbirth.  You never hear those horror stories from loved ones and well meaning friends until you are days away from dropping that baby out of your womb room.  And that's definitely NOT the time you want to hear all the horror stories they've saved up to share until the last minute.  Couldn't they have mentioned it BEFORE you got pregnant?

That's how I feel about this new stage in life, "The empty nest syndrome".  It's true everyone handles it differently, but no one ever told me what it could be like.  It was like a secret initiation.  But you have to be waist deep in it before they say, welcome to the freakin club.  And trust me, this is definitely a club I would rather not have been a part of.  I've got friends who stocked their wine cellar just for the celebration they were going to throw when their kiddos left.  Once stood at the door waving goodbye with one hand to her beloved youngest while she was changing the garage code with the other.

I've always been one of those mothers who truly enjoyed being around her children.  And around all her children's friends.  And the friends of their friends.  My house couldn't be over filled with too many kiddos.  I was the cooking and baked goods queen.  I thrived on it!  Now all my boys are MEN people.  My job is done, they have all been taught to cook, bake, clean, iron, sew, change a tire, lend a hand, change a diaper, and be a good friend.  I am extremely proud to have raise no ones future horrible husband!  They are all doing well in their respective careers, or intended career paths.  But sadly, they truly don't need me anymore, but I'm blessed because the still WANT me.

Now my days are filled with more empty space than I ever imagined possible. When the boys were younger I would have paid to be able to have the opportunity to take a leisurely bubble bath, now I have the time but I don't because I'm a little fearful that if I get in there, there is a small but realistic chance I won't be able to get out - without help.  It's a dang big tub!  Once upon a time, I did a minimum of four loads of laundry a day and still had piles to work on over the weekend.  I could never catch up. Now I wander around the house looking for enough items I can throw in the washer to justify an entire load.

So for the time being, I'm going to keep my eyes open, my pickleball gear at the ready in my car.  I'm going to continue to make homemade lemonade, but now I'm going to add equal parts lemonade to Woodford Reserve.  And keep looking for what I want to be when I grow up. ~